I was in a relationship with a beautiful woman from Poland, Lublin.
She was young and so was I. She used to make porridge in the morning , with honey , very British or very Polish I’ll never know. I (h)ated it though, I know that, the porridge, but she liked me and she was doing it with love, the porridge and the love. I liked her too, more than she thinks.
Anyway
she taught me some Polish, normally my modest predisposition to languages would have abled me to remember most of it but it is now just entirely forgotten, trust me, Polish is an hard language to learn and to speak , all I remember is Sobota, which means Saturday, which is a good day of the week.
I am not talking about the Polish language now but in general there are very good words and very bad words, somehow the bad words are as powerful as bad actions , sometimes even more , but the good ones are never as powerful as the good actions but in our head they are.
Writing comes more natural when I think of the worst; not just the past, also writing to people of some “unsettled interior status” trigger a waterfall of interesting vocabulary.
Not just the past: robots are the future and I like it. but I would like it better if I knew robots had a sad heart.
I like the expression: “the future is now”, it makes me giggle and reflect;
an oxymoron that defies the laws of time. Even if it’s just a simple and quite abused sentence, it can be used in any time related circumstaces located in the contemporanety; let me explain better before my brain falls down on its own produced thoughts:
words often don’t really mean what we intend for them to be used in the moment we choose them . Despite the pure algoritmical and primitive nature of them, self explainatory, reflecting a name or a place or a thing or an action or a feeling… yeah feelings and emotional meanings are complicated to write
However we like to hear words, some words and we like to read some, and we like to write some but a bit less because we more often concentrate on what we want to express with words when we write as a priority instead of truly define the real meaning of them, so we end up using generic words, like I do in this story, and not the precise proper ones.
I don’t like people who write too good, I don’t like people who are always positive I don’t trust them. But this has nothing to do.
I don’t like a lot of things. I trust me.
Another interesting word is happiness: time is also involved heavily in the word happiness.
Time is a variable intrinsically related to words. some words last forever or just an instanct in time, time is the colour of words = like colours are the sounds of thoughts.
Let’s get back to happiness: happiness is a lifetime goal for some it’s a mistery and for the majority of people it’s a reason for self care or mental narcisism. I have found happiness a few time and I’m still doing , but I somehow lose it as frequently as I find it. Happiness is achievement. It’s a completed action ,the process to be happy requires a success, to fulfill the quest of happiness. Happiness has an end , in the deepest meaning of the word itself.
Friend:”You wanna be happy?”
Everyone: “no, I wanna be fucking sad for the eternity…”
Me: “of course I wanna be fucking happy. the moment I am I suddenly feel sad though.
The action is done , accomplished, I’m at the “original state” again, and I have to be because between the words happiness and sadness there is not a sea, but more like a black hole, a parallel universe where I am a writer.
So it’s the original state sadness? or what else? numbness? Isn’t numbness like almost sadness?
I don’t know if it really matters because we cannot have all the answers otherwise we would all be quite happy and we would all enjoy porridge and speak perfect Polish and be with a beautiful woman from Lublin.
